Cavaliers vanquish their most hated opponent

That's right. The Cleveland Cavaliers got their fifteenth win of the season last night, over LeBron. In a related story, the Cavs will stop playing when the season is over, and LeBron's Heat will make a deep run into the playoffs, after which he will go back home to his mansion in a cool city and fornicate on top of his giant pile of money.

The game was worth watching, though. You can watch the highlights here.

First of all, Bron didn't show up for player introductions. He says that he missed it because he was on the can, but we all know that widdle Bwon Bwon's fee fees are to fragile to take the deluge of boos that he knowingly deserves.

Second of all, Luke Harangody balled out of control. As much as Luke Harangody can. He had a funky spin move to fadeaway jumper that he obviously learned by watching Michael Jordan, and that he will never make again. Ever. He followed it up by draining a three. Pretty hilarious sequence of events, really.

The Cavs played hard and won because of it. They also made LeBron work for everything he got, fouling the shit out of him and swatting his shots into the stands even after fouls were called. In true Bron fashion, he finished with a triple double, and is now one of two players to record a triple double AGAINST a team he won the MVP for (Wilt is the other).

LeBron also drained a 60-foot buzzer beater at the end of the third quarter. It shouldn't have counted, because the buzzer expired before the ball left his hands. Upon review, they noticed that the clock started running before the inbounds pass touched his hands, because the clock-keeper is a hometown asshole. They probably shouldn't have counted the shot anyway, but still did, because fuck Cleveland.

The Cavs ended up out-hustling everybody for a well-deserved win. However, Baron Davis summed up the result with the ennui such a dubious victory deserves.

“Beating LeBron and beating the Heat doesn’t really mean anything to me. I’ll take the free beer, though."

Won't we all, Boom-dizzle.

And finally, to put the deflated and bitter cherry on top of the turd cake that this sad and worthless victory is, Dan Gilbert - owner of the Cavs - dropped this gem on twitter:

Fitting.

EVERYBODY CALM THE F*CK DOWN

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

Are we cool? Are we cool? Ok, good.

Now look. Everybody in the world now has an opinion on LeBron James. Most of it has been pretty negative, and rightfully so. We've never seen anything like this, as far as an athlete holding the entire sports media hostage at his (or her. *stifles laughter*) behest. People also now have the perfect foil for his behavior in how Kevin Durant signed his new 5-year deal.

But let's hold on a minute. Are people all up in arms because he has his own hour-long ESPN LeBronathon? I mean, I don't necessarily care for it, but it also doesn't exactly affect me. I won't be watching. I can do any number of productive things with my life OTHER than sit on my couch and tear my hair out wondering where someone is going to play basketball in the fall.

There wasn't this much indignation when Bron was on the cover of Sports Illustrated at 16, or was buying his mom an H2 before he had signed with a team. And what about the Buzz Bissinger book, movie, and accompanying soundtrack? We're used to seeing athletes in shitloads of commercials, so really, how is this all that different? Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson have reality shows. Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh hired a film crew to follow them around throughout the last two weeks. Spike Lee followed around Kobe for "Kobe Doin' Work."

LeBron using media time to announce where he will play next year doesn't make him any different. It's just makes him a planner. Say he did it at a press conference at noon today. Do you really think that every news station wouldn't cut live to is, then ESPN would devote at least an hour to discussing it? Of course they would. Might as well have some sort of control in the operation.

Don't like it? Don't watch it. Don't like LeBron? There are plenty of people like you out there, just look in Boston, D.C., Detroit, Chicago, or any other Eastern Conference city that has seen him torch their team.

I like him because he's good at basketball. I'll devote an hour of my time watching him when he does that.