Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Football, you are close. So. Very. Close.

By the way, doing an image search for "USC Cheerleaders" is a pretty awesome way to waste a LOT of time. What day is it? Friday? Awesome. It's fun bag time.

First of all, prepare to have your minds blown, mortals.

Dancing Pigeons - Ritalin from Blink on Vimeo.

Keeping with the music video theme, here's the most rock and roll kid in the universe.


I dance in the streets all the time and manage not to get hit by an ice cream truck. Furthermore, those things make all sorts of silly ass songs. How can you NOT notice them coming?


This policeman better beware. Technoviking might just show up to fuck his law and order up.


Wow, Georgia. Wow.


And finally, Rave Dog.

As an aside, I found someone posting Rave Dog on their site, under the pretext that he is excited that Cesc Fabregas will be staying with Arsenal for the time being (suck shit, Barca!). Not only am I in favor of that, but their site is also hilariously named "Who Ate All The Pies?"

That's it. Let's get out of here. Anyone else want to go sailing?

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

Lot's of Shit Storm ideas, I just have to remember them.

Ok so during Easter you eat a lot and typically there is some type of decoration. Only reason I mention this is to try to justify this storm.


(h/t Warming Glow)

I feel like there are always discussions on the most attractive Food Channel/travel channel personality. The crazy thing about this is that people are extremely loyal to their favorites. For instance here is a conversation I recently heard.

girl 1: I can't stand Anthony Bourdain, such a pretentious asshole.

girl 2: You shut your mouth Bourdain is the sexiest man in the world.

So for this shit storm we need to have the definitive debate on the most attractive personality on TV. Now, I use the term attractive because it could mean many things. For example Sandra Lee is very milfy, but she also makes these delicious looking cocktails with umbrellas in them. You see, her decor adds to the attractiveness.

The rules:
1. I would like to keep this to food/travel network type personalities. I understand there may be some channel crossover, but try to keep it within the parameters.
2. Reality show judges only, no contestants. (Yes Padma is in play)
3. BBC is in play.
4. Retired/no longer on TV is in play.
5. Male and Female divisions, and obviously we can multiple votes for each personality.

(I also should not have to say this, but there is zero homerism component to this shit storm)

Ok onto my selection.

Giada De Laurentiis.


Some people get annoyed with her over prouncing all the eeeeeeeeeetalllllain foods but I think it only adds to the show. Between her chicken tetrazinni and her smashing of garlic I'm utterly captivated. She also studied in Rome so you know she's legit.

Ok let's do it. Begin the foodgasm.

Baby, we need to talk...

Lindsey, hey, how are you? Doing ok? Do you need anything? You sure? Ok. You're looking great. It's really great to see you.

Anyway baby, go ahead and take a seat.

Listen, you're a dream. I really do love you. But I just... I just think that what we've had between us has run its course. What? No! Don't be silly. Of course it had nothing to do with that. Baby, if it was... Lindsey, calm down. How could it be about you crashing yesterday, after I've seen you crash dozens of times before?

It's not that, it's just that there's been too much drama. This whole thing, it's taken our lives and turned them upside down. I can't handle the photo shoots, the autograph sessions, the interviews and speculation about your shin, the international travel... actually, scratch that, I like the international travel. But you've become more than just a skier. Do you think I like having some guy ask you to sign your autograph across your cleavage in the swimsuit issue? Do you think I'm comfortable with that? But that wasn't the worst. The worst was when you admitted to me that you don't even go skiing for fun. You've changed, Lindsey. Now it's a business to you, and that breaks my heart.

Like I said, I'll always love you. I will. I just think it's best that we part ways. And...
[sigh]
Yes, there's someone else. How did we-? I met her while you were beefing with Austrians in interviews! While you were getting therapy on your shin! While you were taking pictures in your skivvies! Her name's Julia.

Mancuso, right. How did you guess that? What? You guys know each other?

Oh, right. Well, then you should know. She's more fun. She doesn't take it, or herself, as seriously as you. She still likes skiing for fun, she even went out in the powder that Whistler had a couple of days ago. You work out in the summer, while she goes surfing. She's the one that's going to make me happy, not you.

You'll be fine. I'm sure you'll find someone great. I just hope you find happiness. You're too stern, baby, and that's not what I need in my life. I want to have fun, and you're not giving me that. Now if you'll excuse me, a hot tub is calling my name.

WOOO! Grab Julia's hoots, Chemmy!

Awesome.

Why in the holy hell do I like curling so much?

That's USA skip, John Shuster.

I've been watching curling as much as I can and I am absolutely glued to the TV. First off it's one of those sports that requires little commitment. What I mean is that you can be doing something else, like blogging, while you watch it and with the pace of the game you won't miss anything. Second it has huge strategy. "OMG is he going for that inside draw or is he going to kiss off the red in the house?AHHHHH There are two high yellow guards!!!! Furthermore, everyone on the team plays every role, no weak links in curling.

The second thing is that curling is surprisingly compelling. As Im watching right now USA was down 4-0 and the end of 3 THEN scored 6 CONSECUTIVE to make the score 6-4 AND SHIT AS I SPEAK THE DIRTY SWISS HAVE JUST MADE A PERFECT CURL TO TAKE A POINT AND MAKE IT 6-5 AT THE END OF 10!!!! OHHHHHH man here comes the measuring stick!!!

I think another thing has to do with the coverage of curling. You get great commentary and in the abomination known as NBC sports you get to watch, you know, THE ENTIRE EVENT!!!

Last thing, have you seen the women's curling teams? They just contribute to the depth of the hotness in the Winter Olympics.

***Update***
Shuster has a chance for a wide open draw to win.

-He curls.

-Needs to pick up.

-AHHHHH THEY LOST IT!!!

-GET THERE BABY

-Shit it's close measuring stick/sonar comes out. (I think the Swiss have it)

-Damn Swiss got it by a big margin. EXTRA CURLING!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With The Olympics.

Well it doesn't.

And Julia Mancuso is still way hotter. Believe you me. She's just not as big of a name, even though she's medaled in the Olympics and Vonn hasn't (Yes, Vonn is better. Yes, she's more successful in the World Cup circuit).

Regardless. This has absolutely nothing to do with the Olympics.

Boise State girls are ugly

Well, they are. Take Meg, here, for instance.

She's the hottest one. And she is freaking me the hell out.

She could rent out her forehead as billboard space, to make some extra cash.

Anyway, all of this comes from me watching the Tostito's Fuck You Bowl last night. I just couldn't help but think about how horrible it would be to go to school at Boise State. One, you're not in a cool college town, you're in Assmouth Boise, Idaho, as opposed to Texas' best-kept secret, Fort Worth. do you like darkness and three months of hospitable weather a year? Then Boise is for you. Are you a normal human being that likes sunshine and the ability to walk outside? Fort Worth is your spot.

Maybe it's ok to go to school there, since every single girl is bundled up to the point that they just look like androgynous humanoid blobs walking around. It's like hanging out with a bunch of chicks in burkas... if... you know... burkas are made up of ugg boots [vomits] and six north face jackets.

But yeah. Them bitches be ugly. Aaaaaaaaand to put the exclamation point on this meandering hatefest, I present to you "Boise State Cowbell Girl," which has already been hailed as THE DECADE'S FIRST INTERNET MEME! WOOOOOO! GET EXCITED!


But really, comparing any school's female population to that of TCU's is unfair. Percentage-wise, I'd put them up against anybody. Like I said. Best kept secret.